CHAPTER 5 - DEPARTURE AND DESTINY

Ed caught the morning Blimp for the Capital the following day as commanded by the Navy Board to appear before them at the Capital at 1400 sharp. A ticket had been purchased for him by the Navy Board and Ed found himself in the First Class cabin seated next to a thin frail bureaucrat with pasty white skin dressed in a much too large greatcoat. “Headed to the Capital?” asked the grey suited gentleman. An odd question thought Ed given that this was a direct flight.

“Cigars, cigarettes, tiporillos, brandy?” called out the scantily clad stewardess as she shimmied down the isle. Ed fished for six lindens. “I’ll have 2 Uncle Ben’s” he said. It was going to be a long flight. The stewardess handed him two small bottles, and moved on.

“Yes,” Ed said finally responding the gentleman in the adjoining seat. He examined the man more closely. The man was short, balding, and with a gravity defying comb-over. A few thin strands of blond hair were wrapped around and around the shining dome, creating the impression of angel hair pasta caught in a Cusinart gone wrong. But the most remarkable thing about his flying companion where his hands. He had very long thin fingers, with nearly translucent skin, and to his astonishment Ed counted 12 fingers. To his amazement there were 12 as well on the other hand.

“Allow me to introduce my self,” said the bureaucrat. “I’m Philpot Onus”

“Pleased to meet you Mr. Philpot,” said Ed.

“That’s Herr Doctor Philpot Onus,” replied his cabin mate handing Ed his card.

“Ah, well then Doctor Onus, I presume,” replied Ed, desperately seeking some humor on this cold morning. Ed glanced at the card in his hand. It was larger than normal business card and was printed on expensive cardboard, of the type that only government officials and escorts could afford. Ed fingered the embossed Great Seal of Second Life, resplendent with the Blue Hand. In fine copperplate engraving, indicative of the expensive version of Photoshop, Ed read, ‘Ministry of Antiquities and Dusty Relics, Dr. Philpot Onus, Minister Extraordinaire, Number 15, Avenue of the Beast, Capital, Second Life.’ “I’ve never met a minister before,” said Ed. “This is really extraordinary,” he continued.

Dr. Onus chuckled and looking Ed uncomfortably in the eye, said “Don’t worry, I wont bite.” Dr. Onus scratched his left ear, which Ed noticed was badly scared and bleeding.

Ed had not been this uncomfortable since that night in Bangdesh when he ate the pigeon curry pie and everyone else stuck with raw vegetables. “And what brought you to Heart of the Ocean, Dr Onus?” asked Ed, seeking to shift the conversation to something more congenial.

“Ah,” replied Onus, “The recent discoveries. Fascinating, truly marvelous,” continued Dr. Onus. Ed vaguely remembered something in the HOTO Times about a discovery of some archaeological importance, but for the life of him he could not remember the details – except that it had something to do with a crown or some jewels or something.

“Undoubtedly you read about the discovery in the Times,” said Dr. Onus.

“Well, said Ed as he stalled for time to think of something intelligent to say. “I am a sea captain, and I have been at sea, so I miss many of the current events and those not so current as well.”

“Ah.” Dr. Onus smiled -- that smile of a entomologist examining a spider about to be placed in a jar with a bit of ether in a cotton swab at the bottom and the label already prepared reading ‘extinct’.

“I’m sorry Dr Onus,” said Ed, pulling his me-Comp from his carry on. “I have some important notes to review and very little time to prepare.” Ed then booted the me-Comp, waited for the Baffles Computer Clown to finish twirling his head and laughing insanely, and then he selected the file labeled “Navy Board, Courts Martial.” Ed reviewed the files for about an hour before he noticed that the good Doctor was reading them as well. Not the casual glance, or the little curious peek, but the intense focus of a man who needed to know and didn’t care that you knew too. Ed shifted the me-Comp a bit to the left, and Dr Onus immediately followed, his eyes intently focused on the heavy text laden screen. Ed coughed, “Aaahumm.” Dr Onus shifted his gaze to Ed and smiled.

I’m sorry, I seem to have dropped my peanut,” said Dr. Onus.

Odd thought Ed, they haven’t had peanuts on this flight since Blimp Blau, now part of the Blimp Cartel, emerged from chapter 2 in the first book of this series. Ed decided to put the me-Comp away and reached for the power down lever. Before he could reach the lever, a cold twelve fingered hand wrapped itself tightly around his hand. Very tight, and with a grip far stronger than he thought possible of the bureaucrat. “I wouldn’t do that Captain Hallard,” said Dr Onus in a dry voice edged with coal. Dr Onus motioned with his head toward his other hand which now held a blue steel short barreled muskatoon of Eastern origin hidden beneath his greatcoat. The barrel of said muskatoon was pointed directly at Ed’s beating heart.

Merde though Ed.

With lightening quick reflexes, honed in exotic port cities, slums, and the dodgy bordellos of Second Life, Ed slammed down the top of the me-Comp on Dr. Onus hand. Ed heard the satisfying sound of breaking fingers. How could I miss he thought – 12 fingers! Then in one swift gesture, Ed grabbed the muskatoon and shoved it hard into the minister’s gut. Dr. Onus gasped. Ed reached for the Doctors neck and applied the sailors secret handshake and Dr. Onus fell unconscious. Ed opened one of the little bottles of Uncle Bens and poured the contents onto Dr. Onus.

Lifting the dead weight of the bureaucrat Ed stepped into the isle. The pert stewardess who had been lap dancing with a traveling salesman across the isle looked up. “To much to drink,” said Ed. “I warned him, but he said Nooo. Well, now he will learn. Ill take him to the lavatory,” he droned on. With hardly a glance, the stewardess refocused her attention on the stack of 10 linden notes held in the hand of the salesman.

Dragging the body into the Low Class cabin, Ed began singing sea shanties.

“What shall we do with a drunken sailor,
What shall we do with a drunken sailor,
What shall we do with a drunken sailor,
Early in the morning? “

As if on queue a group of uniformed marines and sailors, three sheets to the wind, and on their way back to Camp Paradise on Saints and Sinners Isle immediately responded,

“Hoo ray/Wey hey/Heave-ho and up she rises,
Hoo ray/Wey hey/Heave-ho and up she rises,
Hoo ray/Wey hey/Heave-ho and up she rises,
Early in the morning. “

Ed continued, shifting to the key of G.

“Put him in the head till he’s sober,
Put him in the head till he’s sober,
Put him in the head till he’s sober,
Early in the morning.”

The marines and sailors burst out laughing and gave Ed a knowing nod. Ed dropped the unconscious body of Dr. Onus onto the loo, checked his pulse, and emptied the final tiny bottle of Uncle Bens on the misbegotten comb over. Dr. Onus was alive, but his head would really hurt in the morning. Uncle Bens was caustic without branch water, ice, and a beer chaser. Closing the door, Ed reached in the shelf above the door and found the sign. “Out of Order.” He placed the sign on the handle of the loo. He knew where the sign was. Everyone did. It was extraordinary that the lavatory ever worked on the morning blimp to the Capital. Ed noticed a change in pitch coming from the steam engines powering the blimp. They were making their approach to the Hanjian Airport at the capital. Ed hurried back to his seat. It was almost noon.