TIME TO ADJUST YOUR COMPASS
Yes it will soon be time to adjust your compass. Remember on Tuesday morning you must turn you compass forward four degrees. As they say “In winters door move it four, at summers bore take four.” It is estimated that Compass Savings Settings has saved SL over three barrels of oil by reducing distances with the turn of the seasons.


RELIGIOUS LEADERS ATTEND CONFERENCE ON MUTUAL INTOLLERENCE AND MISUNDERSTANDING
At HOTO’s famous Forum, leaders of the thirty eight leading religions and non-religious beliefs met at the Sim wide Conference on Intolerance and Misunderstanding. Included among the attendees were Squishy Paine, ChG, OBGEII, Representative of the Guild for the Ghostly Departed and the Nearly Dead, Ben Van Meter, leader of Theorists faction Black Notational Front for the Liberation of Irrational Numbers, Pope Pascal, Head of the Believers in the Book of What, Mother Superior Adel Flossberg of the Order of the Bloody Stain of Saint Hymenos the Benighted - Mothers of Earth Druids (reformed), Igor Eisenstein, Professor of Conventional Wisdom UofS, the smartest man in SL and winner of the bronze medal, Brother Vertex – Anointed Leader of the Octocostals, Father Theo of the Theosophists, Lavongi of the United Cargo Cults of SL, Miriam Swat of the Cult of Moranists Orthodox, and other assorted cults, clans, cliques, and creeds. In his keynote to the conference Brother Vertex spoke of the parable of the “blind beggar of Tirath” in which a blind beggar was begging alms at the entrance to the Temple of Toth. The sainted Octo finding himself without Lindens, said unto the beggar, “rise and you are cured. See before you the wonders of the world.” Upon which the beggar was cured of his blindness, lost his position in the beggars guild and his income, forcing his family into penury. After which he was drafted into the Army of Bable and died a horrible death at the Battle of the Six Baloons. After much frank discussion and vigorous debate the convocation voted to affirm the Oath of Mutual Intolerance and Misunderstanding.

SAFTEY SEAL INDUSTRY CALL FOR PROTECTION OF BABY GREENS
The Safety Seal Industry called for the protection of baby greens by encapsulating them in new tamper proof safety containers with see through lids. Without these safety provisions, a spokesman for the Safety Seal Industry said that the poisonings of baby greens would continue.

ALLIANCE OF RHUMINANATS & LANGUISTINES
The Alliance of Ruminants and Langoustines held a noisy protest outside the OutHouse Eating Establishment in Nolo to protest the treatment of steak and lobster known as “turf and surf.” Speaking for the Alliance and insisting on anonymity in order to protect her children, a Black Ngus said before the assembled crowds. “We must end this specie side now!” Patrons at the OutHouse found themselves harassed as the left the Tire Company Two Star Restaurant as the crowd threw catsup on their clothing and shouted insults. A spokesman for the company said, “This is outrageous, there are no rules here.”

MAD BUNNY DISEASE OUTBREAK
Another outbreak of MBD has been detected in the Province of Sinola. Over three bunnies were found to be infected with the disease. Scientists at the Department of Agrichemicals and Animal Cruelty of SL said you can tell if a bunny has MBD because of the accelerated rate of insults hurled at onlookers. In unaffected bunnies insults occur perhaps once or twice a minute. If the animal is infected, insults flow in an unstoppable torrent of invective, vilification and epithet.



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